Full BADAss directory listing. Please note annual subs are due late Novmber *

 

 



 

BADAss PLAYER #001 BADAss FOUNDER PLAYER - The Tenderiser*

Did he ever think it would get to this? Of course he did. It's a darts life. Resident in: Aukland, New Zealand. Does stuff*

 

BADAss PLAYER #002 Snack Van Open (formerly Shit Jonsson / Caviar Jonsson)

Residence: Casa Jonsson, Sweden. Smell: Usually a bit moosey, infrequently reindeerish. Dress: No. Biggest rival: Piss Sorenson, Sweden's Number 1. Snack preference: Bombay mix. Drink: Bacardi 'n' Coke, ice 'n' a slice. In a big shiny bucket. Curry choice: Lamb Methi - reliable curry = reliable darts. Fave Finish: 2s, can be a bit of a strain getting it out though. Fears the 1s (see biggest rival). Fave player: Dart Vader (awaiting official BADAss recognition). Quality player, uses his father's darts. Darts injuries: Occasional bloodfoot. Greatest darts moment: Having a go with the microphone at the Brakspears finals in Nettlebed and being requested to leave the stage by an 'official'. Hopes for the future: BADAss influence bringing peace to whole world*

 

BADAss PLAYER #003 Steak Anderson*

Resident in: Fleet, Hampshire.
A real darts legend. Puts in the hours, week after week, and is always prepared to travel to get a game in. No coward. Likes a drink. Recently invested in Special Darts Footwear - this Player means business. Likes a drink. Platinum Bodders:2 Favourite finish: 170*

 

BADAss PLAYER #004 The Optician*

Resident in: Reading. Enjoys throwing darts. Likes a drink. Quite grubby during darts trips. Occasional letching. Hobbies include playing darts and watching TV. Scared of no-one. Platinum Bodkins: 3. Favourite finish: 6 *

 

BADAss PLAYER #005 Johnny Flambé*

Resident in: Leckhampstead, Buckinghamshire. Favourite Curry: Chicken jalfrezi. Favourite Drink: Bombay Sapphire Gin, as it comes. Favourite Finish: Double 12 or pop shot. Favourite item of clothing: Coat-o-plenty. Darts Phrase: 'Keep em off the carpet'. Dislikes: Too much hair down below. Favourite moment: Shit Jonsson ordering a 'Shack de milk' in a French MacDonalds. Likes to drive players around to ensure the safety of the Badass team. Likes a drink*

 

BADAss PLAYER #006 The Postmaster (formerly Golden Destroyer*)

Resident in: Leeds. Long distance player. Keeps himself fit until the big events arrive - like the May Nettlebed Pub Final (spectating only). Likes a drink.Favourite finish: TBA*

 

BADAss PLAYER #007 The Matador*

Originally from Spain, now resident in Plymouth. Winner of Stella Artois Wells Carnival Classic and joint holder with Steak Anderson of the Brakspear County Challenge. Co-promoter of Hayle Eclipse Series 1999 .Occasional participant on the South Oxfordshire Badass circuit , but is found more regularly on the Crabtree Close satellite tour. Never likely to challenge the "big guns" of the Badass world , but is capable of causing upsets "on his day". Never afraid of varying darts game, often aiming for treble 19's, or even using guest or house arrows. Favourite curry: Chicken madras. Favourite drink: Lager. Favourite pornographer: Ben Dover. Favourite finish: Bull. Favourite Badass player: Shit Jonsson (erratic but entertaining). Least favourite Badass player: Peter "Darts name Snell " Snell (too nonchalant by far)*

 

BADAss PLAYER #008 The Controller*

Resident in: West Drayton, Middlesex. Christ, what can I say, he literally 'controls' the arrows through the air. Into his legs. Literally. Likes a drink. A lot. One of the great BADAss drinkers of the decade. CAUTION may puke in his sleep. Likes a drink. Favourite finish: possibly Guinness, and a big towel*

 

BADAss PLAYER #009 The Gypsy*

Resident in: Grafham (Is it? Tricky - they wander, that lot). Loves his arrows. Occasional darts bully. Enjoys cabbage soup, followed by 12 pints of stella - so you could say he likes a drink. Favourite finish: 50*

 

BADAss PLAYER #010 Woof Woof Barker*

Resident in: Bath. Part time BADAss PLAYER, but has proved to be rather the hustler more than once. Or was it once - cant remember. Likes a drink and a curry. Who doesn't? Favourite finish: tbc. Favoutite saying: That's easy for you to say. Favourite finish: Cymbals*

 

BADAss PLAYER #011 John Boy Howard*

Resident in: Sutton, Surrey. Formerly 'Mumbling Twenties' and 'Two Hats', this Surrey based player boasts an impressive spluttery cough which has proved more than once to be a useful weapon during a tense darts game. Likes a cocktail. Career highlight - Semi-finalist at inaugural Euro 2000 outdoors tournament. Favourite finish: Fishermans Friend - hoo ha. Favourite saying: hoo ha*

 

BADAss PLAYER #BODDERS *******

Resident in: BADAss legends. One of the all time greats. Coined the phrase 'Bed and Breakfast'. Tidy.Favourite darts: 1, 20, 5. Obviously*

 

BADAss PLAYER #015 Incredible Hulk*

Resident in: Peppard, Oxfordshire. Likes a drink. Got a Platinum Bodders during his first night of Full BADAss Fellowship - stunning form or what. Platinum Bodkins: 1. Favourite finish: tbc. Favourite saying: I've just got a platinum Bodkin. Favourite joke endings: They found 3 lbs of crack in her knickers*

 

BADAss PLAYER #016 Bob 'Nine Darts' Anderson*

Well, he's finally bloody made it. After far too many months of fiddling in his pockets for lose change, Nine Darts has coughed up his dues...Resident in: Peppard, Oxfordshire, UK. Experience: Well known in the Brakspear darts circuit. Has been beaten in virtually every pub in the league. Goes through 'Golden Double' phases. Dislikes: hirsute women, alco-pops, wind surfers. Likes: Mulligatawny soup for breakfast, Brakspear ordinary, short rubenesque women. Ambition: to die of exhaustion after a night in bed with Carol Vorderman & Kylie Minogue. Favourite finish: 18s, 16s, 4s, 2s.*

 

BADAss PLAYER #017 Dart Vader*

Resident in: Northern parts. Darts bully. Refuses to lose. Bugger. Platinum Bodkins: tbc. Favourite finish: tbc. Favourite saying: I am your Father*

 

BADAss PLAYER #018 Champagne Charlie*

Resident in: Reading, Berkshire. Likes a drink. Good to see some fresh, young 'talent' on the scene. We're expecting great things, including some more drinks. Platinum Bodkins: n/a. Favourite finish: tbc. Favourite saying: it is today actually isnt it*

 

BADAss PLAYER 019 Angelo "The Caterer"*

Resident in: Lourdata, Kefalonia. Likes: Kitchens, Peter Stuyvesant fags. Favourite finish: Moussaka & Chips. Players notes: A darting legend in his own lunchtime, The Caterer broke the back of darting USA (ranked 65th) when resident chef in that great continent. Then broke his own back and had to go home. Made honorary member of BADAss due to forcing BADAss PLAYER #003 to let his belt out on holiday. Several notches*

 

BADAss PLAYER 020 Handcuff "Cuffs" Weakly*

Resident in: Lyme Regis, South Coast, UK. Likes: Darts, Cider, erm, Pool possibly (tbc). Favourite finish: at The Cob. Players notes: Welcome to our lastest Player. Many of you existing spongers should take note & follow the keen example shown by "Cuffs"; he bought me his joining pint of Strong Lager only minutes after me forcing him to do so. Well? It's thirsty work this sitting here and typing rubbish you know. His inaugural game of darts went down to the wire, for quite a long time, against #005 Johnny Flambé SENIOR (who will soon be a Player but missed out on the necessary process ARE YOU LOT LISTENING YET TIGHTWADS?!)*

 

BADAss PLAYER 021 Roger*

Resident in: No fixed abode. Likes: Darts, drinks, the colour orange. Notes: Strictly speaking, Roger is more of a concept than a Player; it's a way of life*

 

BADAss PLAYER 022 Pilfer Two-brews Thomas*

Resident in: Reading, UK. Likes: Darts, Tabs, Lager. Favourite finish: tbc. It's taken a while, but he's in. Apparently 'Brews' should have been in ages ago as he bought me that all important pint, however I forgot. Perhaps one more is required just to play it safe & avoid any confusion. Yup that's best. Good idea. OK*

 

BADAss PLAYER 023 Fray Bentos*

Resident in: UK. Likes: Darts, Gin, Lager, Amol. Favourite finish: tbc. New to the world of darts, 'Tos' had the two magic ingredients required to become a BADAss Player: 1. Some money to buy a pint of Strong Lager, and 2. Bought it. So, the warmest of welcomes brother, but don't forget to put that all important entry in your diary - that the annual fees will be due in only 11 months and 3 weeks. Cheers. You're a good lad, one of the best*

 

BADAss PLAYER 024 Herb Dildo*

Resident in: UK. Likes: Cider, Lager. Favourite finish: curry. Fact: used to play darts. Fact: likes darts. Fact: Is behind in his annual subs. Makes for an unhappy read ey Players?*

 

BADAss PLAYER 025 Mr. Trigg*

Resident in: Lume Regis, UK. Likes: a drink. Favourite drink: Palmers Cooper. Favourite curry: Prawn Ghuna (nice choice). Favourite tie: Wallace and Grommit. Favourite weather condition: Sunshime. Favourite finish: Double three. Favourite shoes: Cunan Heeled multicoloured boots (sadly now lost)Fact: used to play darts. Dabbles in open (double) top motoring, painting*

 

 



 

SLAGAss PLAYER #001 Sweetcorn Holiday*

Resident in: Burford, Oxfordshire
Formerly BADAss player #012 (now vacant - yours for a pint of Stella - see below) - new on the darts scene - already shook up BADAss regular Shit Jonsson. Likes a drink. Favourite finish: double 4 (isn't that right Jonners?). Favourite saying: please do have a ciggy*

 

SLAGAss PLAYER #002 The Finger*

Resident in: London, England. Was shown a thing or two (well perhaps just one - no wait two) by SLAGAss #001 in the first ever Official SLAGAss event - held during the 2002 Brakspear Pub Finals. Favourite finish: double vodka. Favourite saying: Oh God....*

 

SLAGAss PLAYER #003 Chick Pea Mama*

Resident in: Reading, UK, England. Pretended not to like darts, until thrown in at the deep end at the Lakeside, where only true colours can show. Became instant PLAYER. Favourite finish: Jack Daniels and coke. Favourite player: We're guessing Ted Hankey*

 

 



 

FAGAss PLAYER #001 Greasy Girder*

Resident in: Kingwood, OXON. Dislikes: Being photographed. Likes: Playing darts for the other side; being a darts bitch.Favourite finish: 45, 60, Stawberry Surprise*

 

FAGAss PLAYER #002 The Conqueror*

Resident in: Kingwood, OXON. Likes: Cider. Dislikes: Eating. Favourite finish: Cider*

 

FAGAss PLAYER #003 Clifton Rainbow*

Resident in: Shepherds Bush, Capital. Likes: Sausages. Favourite finish: Some sausages. Players notes: One of our campest players, rarely spotted on the oche as likes to spend free time hanging around changing rooms. This information may be unreliable & possible will be checked when he SETTLES HIS OVERDUE ACCOUNT *

 

 



 

To put it simply, all that's needed is a pint of beer to become a FULL PLAYER.
Just one pint - Stella ideally. ARE YOU LISTENING ?*

 

***Friend of BADAss COULD IT BE YOU ??***

Could you join BADAss? Are you a PLAYER? Believe it or not, my darts-loving chum, YES YOU COULD! Simply buy me a pint of Stella, show some darts prowess (not too much or you're banned), and own an optional darts shirt (Steak - ARE YOU LISTENING?) and you're in. Well alright then perhaps a couple of pints. And some crisps. And a nice warm curry is always welcome, of course. Stop you're twisting my arm, dartsboy. TBC - Snowflake, Didcot Diddler, Numbers Enfiled, Patchy Distribution (name to be minged), Stigmata... glug glug*